Leadership Part 2: How to Inspire His Strength Through Being More Feminine

iStock_EvewithAppleXSmallWhen I was single and searching, one thing that I craved more than anything was a man who was capable of being a strong leader, especially with me (I can be a tough nut to crack sometimes). When I learned about the differences between yin and yang–one being necessary for the other, I realized that if I wanted a strong, yang man, I would need to be more yin, more feminine. This intuition was echoed by the advice given to me by my dating coach at the time.

One of the difficulties I immediately ran into was that I felt like I still had to wait around for a man to start leading me in order to follow him, and surrender to him. Over time, though, I realized that yin can actually initiate, in her own way, a good polarity, where one partner is more in charge, and the other more receptive and surrendered.

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Leadership Part 1: Becoming the Masculine Leader that Women are Looking For

iStock_ManLeadingWomanXSmallMany pick-up gurus, as well as those who teach about masculinity, have touted a man’s ability to lead as key to attracting women. You’ve probably heard me talk about leadership before, but I’ve never really gotten into what’s necessary to be the kind of leader that is attractive to the feminine.

Polarity is a necessary ingredient in sexual attraction, and, although polarity can get quite complex, I have come to realize that, in the context of human relationships (romantic and otherwise) it all boils down to leading and following. In a well-balanced  romantic relationship, you will have a yang (masculine) partner and a yin (feminine) partner, the yang being the leader. For the sake of simplicity, I will say “man” and “woman,” however, note that this is not always the case, nor *should* it be. Any two beings can take on the role of being yang and yin with each other.

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Paleolithic Lovin’: Dispelling Myths About How Our Ancestors Attracted Each Other

iStock_cavemanpaintingXSmallA few weeks ago, I posted this article in the comments of my post, Do Women Have an Advantage in Dating?. A couple of days ago, my fiance emailed me this article.

Both have inspired a bit of a rant about some of the false ideas that we have about our sexual ancestry, and what it means for us in the dating world today.

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What Does it Mean to ‘Lead Someone On’?

Short LeashWhen I was in my early 20’s, I met a guy in a bar, and he flirted heavily with me. I gave him my number, he walked me to my door and kissed me goodnight (and it was NOT just a friendly kiss on the cheek!). He called me the next day and asked me out to coffee. When we met for coffee, I referred to it as a “date” and he shook his head, “No, no, you have the wrong idea. I have a girlfriend. I just thought you’d be a cool person to hang out with.” I was shocked, and incredibly let down. Why had he acted that way at the bar, and asked me out, if he had no intention of dating me?

Have you ever had someone lead you on? You could swear they were flirting with you! But as soon as you made a move or made your interest more explicit, they said, “Hey, no, I don’t think of you that way.”

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Relationship Values Part 2: The Carrot and the Stick

iStock_carrotandstickXSmallWhat’s more effective, punishment or reward? The stick or the carrot? We often use both methods to motivate ourselves, but which one works better? Or do they both work? And why does that even matter?

It matters because how you motivate yourself plays a huge role in what kind of dating life you have. For example, have you ever heard of the yo-yo diet? Where someone loses a lot of weight, only to gain it back and more, lose it again, gain it again…and so on? Did you know that there’s such a thing as a relationship yo-yo diet? (If you’ve ever had a hard time letting go of an ex, or you kept picking the same kind of failed relationship over and over again, then you might be on a relationship yo-yo diet!).

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Your Relationship Values: Why You Keep Attracting The Relationships That You Do

core valuesWhat do you value in a romantic relationship?

This question is much, much more important than you may realize.

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