Question: Can you turn a gay girl straight, again? I really like her and I guess she’d been dating jerks and converted I guess, but we are friends and I’m starting to develop feelings for her! Please help me out!
Can you turn a gay girl straight? Honestly, I don’t know. That depends on whether or not homosexuality is genetic or an unconscious chosen behavior, and that’s really not something I’m an authority on either way.
Here’s what I do know: YOU cannot “turn” someone ELSE to do anything. This is true…
- Whether you’re converting a gay girl to be straight, or a straight girl to be gay, or a straight girl who likes jerks to a straight girl who dates nice guys.
- When trying to turn commitment phobic men into the marrying type.
- When trying to turn messy men into tidier ones (Oh how I wish that last one weren’t true though! Mmm, to have a sock-less floor and a dish-less sink…but I digress).
The point is, maybe she will date men again one day, or maybe she will have a nice lesbian wedding. Either one will be her choice.
Also, even if she does date men again, it’s very likely, based on the pattern you described, that she will go back to jerks. This is known as relationship yo-yo dieting (jerks are exciting–oww my heart is broken–nice guy treats me well–nice guy is boring–jerks are exciting! – Oww, jerk broke my heart — nice guy treats me well — nice guy is boring).
By the way, this is just one example of relationship yo-yo dieting. A relationship yo-yo diet is any two types of patterns that you cycle back and forth between.
So, back to your question: you have feelings for her, and she dates jerks (which I’m assuming you’re not one) and women (which I’m also assuming you’re not one). You cannot make someone decide to date someone different than the type of people they want to date.
I wish there was a magic, make-someone-fall-for-you instantly line or technique, but there is no one size fits all attraction.
The art of flirting is about knowing how to flirt. This includes knowing when the other person is not flirting back.
Flirting is a dance. If you don’t know how to dance, no matter how good the other person is, it will not go very smoothly. This is why learning to flirt is so important.
The opposite is also true. No matter how good you become at “the moves,” if the other person refuses to dance, it’s not happening.
I suggest you start to looking for willing dance partners.
When you are good at dancing (flirting) and the other person is also dancing (flirting) with you, then things will flow easily. This is a different paradigm than the typical “pick-up” attitude of I-can-blast-through-any-psychological-wall-she-puts-up-and-get-into-those-panties, but this is not usually how healthy relationships start.
Women (or men) are not goals to attain. I know you aren’t thinking of her that way–I know you have feelings for her because you see her as a beautiful person.
And yet, there is an objectification that happens when anyone asks the question, “What do I DO to HAVE him/her?” (And trust me, I get this question A LOT). Flirting, Dating, Relating–these are all things you do with another person. If you are trying to do these things with someone who doesn’t want to do it with you (pun intended!), then you are making dating much more difficult than they need to be.
Let go, have fun, and enjoy the process of looking for willing dance partners. Then dance with them!
The cool thing about that is that if she is going to end up wanting to date you, that will probably only happen once you let go of wanting someone who doesn’t want you back. Pining may be romantic in a Hollywood movie, but in real life, it is lonely and unproductive. (And by pining I mean focusing your energy and attention on any one person who is not reciprocating the interest).
I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I hope it helps.