There’s a saying: the roots create the fruits. A tree’s roots determine what kind of fruit it will be able to produce.
If the tree’s roots are healthy, grow deep, and are able to absorb water and nutrients, the tree will grow strong and will produce healthy and abundant fruit.
If the tree’s roots are shallow and weak, or if the tree tries to root itself in the wrong environment, the tree will produce sickly fruit, or maybe no fruit at all.
The same is true for you. Except in your case, the “roots” are what’s inside of your mind and body: you inner psychology.
When I first got into personal development (as a student, not as a coach), one of the most important concepts that I learned is that your mindset determines your level of success.
If you’ve spent a lot of time working with personal development material (dating and otherwise), you’ve probably heard this concept too. It’s practically a personal development cliche!
And for good reason. Your internal world has a big influence on your external world.
As a dating coach, I have met and worked with many men who struggle in dating and relationships. These men have a hard time meeting women, and many of them don’t even want to try anymore.
And, I have started to notice some similarities in how they think and feel about dating.
Men who struggle in dating are often low energy, both in body and in spirit. They exhibit what I refer to as “don’t fuck me” vibes — that is, they give off subtle, subconscious signals that they would not make a fulfilling sexual partner.
And so, women pass them over for men who are more open, present, and sexually potent.
Men who experience abundance in dating, and who are easily able to create fulfilling sexual relationships with women, have an entirely different mindset. These men are not necessarily wealthier or better looking than anyone else. But, they are relaxed, authentic, and they operate with the assumption that there is a real possibility that the women they meet might want to be intimate with them.
If you are one of the men who has been struggling to meet the right woman — or any woman for that matter — read on…
One of the worst mindsets for dating is the following: “Why bother…it probably won’t happen anyway…”
If you are walking around feeling this way, you are probably sending women subtle “don’t fuck me” signals — and they are taking the unconscious hint and avoiding you!
One client that I worked with last year said that he had experienced so much rejection that it had gotten to a point where, when he talked to a woman, he wasn’t even worried about whether or not she would reject him anymore –because he assumed that she would.
In fact, he said that his main dating frustration was that he felt like he was wasting his time talking to women at all. His attitude was, “What’s the point? It’s not going to go anywhere, and I could be using that time more productively.”
Maybe this sounds familiar?
We humans are all concerned about using our time on earth wisely. It’s natural not to want to focus energy on something that constantly leads to dead ends.
So, I don’t want to tell you to “just go out there and do it anyway.” Because that doesn’t solve anything.
In order to get motivated to go out there and date, you need to have a sense that your efforts will lead to success. Rejection will always be a part of dating sometimes, no matter who you are, but you also need to be able to get what you want as a result of the actions you take. Otherwise, it really is a waste of your time!
But that doesn’t mean you should give up on dating altogether. It means that you should follow your instinct to use your time wisely and…use your time wisely.
A fulfilling relationship is one of the most amazing things that a person can experience in life! I think you know this deep down, which is why you haven’t actually given up.
Since you are reading this right now, I’m assuming you have at least some motivation left to figure out this whole dating thing and make it work for you…
So, don’t go out tonight and try to meet women. Don’t go out and do 50 approaches to get over your approach anxiety (which is a terrible idea, BTW!). Don’t go online and send a bunch of messages because “ya never know…” Don’t go through the same motions you’ve always gone through. They do not work, and they are going to continue to not work.
If you keep running the same self-defeating patterns over and over again, you will only reinforce the pattern of self defeat. And eventually, you won’t be able to get the motivation to even try anymore. Because…why bother, right?
If you want your dating life to change, you need to change things up for yourself, first. You need to make a change at your ROOTS. Only then will you be able to have a fruitful dating life.
So, instead, focus your efforts on figuring out how you can improve your dating skills. The fact that you’re still reading this is a great start! 🙂
I personally take a very systematic approach to dating. I find that this is absolutely essential for anyone who doesn’t like to waste time.
Motivation and success feed into each other, and both need each other to thrive.
I’m doing a webinar tonight that will teach you a system that will increase your chances of success and help you get your dating mojo back (or in the first place)!
Come check it out…
Date & Time: Wednesday, February 1, 2017, at 5:30PM PST
Register HERE to attend live and access the replay.
You’re Going To Learn…
- Why typical dating advice sucks and keeps you lonely and dissatisfied.
- A simple 5-step system to create the relationship you want in 2017.
- How “Disney fairy-tale programming” is killing your chance to find “THE ONE.”
- How to know the difference between what you think you SHOULD want and what you REALLY want in a relationship.
- How to become irresistible to the girlfriend of your dreams!
Make 2017 the year you finally get a girlfriend!
” Listen… I’ve studied a LOT (hours & hours of classes, webinars, literature) on creating attraction with women. I’ve certainly learned a lot, but Liz’s experience / webinar offers something I haven’t found before.” – Sean B.
Register for the webinar HERE and I’ll see you tonight!