Maybe you’ve heard about polarity in the context of masculine and feminine dynamics. Or maybe you’re just now reading this and thinking, “Huh, men and women are different…who knew.”
Either way, if you are struggling with…
- Getting someone to commit to a relationship
- Finding the right relationship
- Finding someone to date and/or fuck
- Resolving a relationship conflict
- Keeping things passionate and sexy during your correct relationship
Then it’s time you understand what polarity is and how to create attraction. Even if you’re already in a passionate relationship, this article will give you some sexy insight into what it is you’re actually doing to create attraction – and how to do it even more!
This was an absolute game-changer for me. Before learning about polarity, I could still flirt and attract men–provided that they were insecure pushovers who had no sense of purpose in life. The mystery and passion would easily fizzle out. However, when I tried to capture the attention of confident, ambitious men, they wouldn’t give me the time of day.
Polarity deals with opposite poles; opposites attract. For example, a magnet has a positive (+) pole and a negative (-) pole. The attraction happens between the opposite poles, making it impossible for them to ignore one another. The same is true for us humans, only instead of – and + we have masculine and feminine.
Here’s where things get tricky: your physical gender doesn’t necessarily dictate whether you “should be” more masculine or more feminine. A woman can have a lot of masculine energy and devote a happy, loving life to her career. A man can be very feminine and dedicate his entire life to staying at home and raising his kids. If you aren’t aware of where you are on the Masculine to Feminine Spectrum, then you won’t know what changes to make to attract a sexy opposite.
Everyone has both masculine and feminine energies. They are both important to develop. In this article I’ll use the words “yang” and “yin” in lieu of “masculine” and “feminine” because they feel more neutral. There is no 100% pure yang or 100% pure yin that exists in nature.
I used to think that because I’m a woman, I had to constantly be developing my femininity – the side of me that likes to open, receive and be more nurturing. And, when I first started out coaching men, I only taught them about masculinity- aka yang. We developed strategies together so they could become more confident, stronger and grab life by the balls.
I thought this was how it was supposed to be until one day when I talked to a client who was extremely, powerfully yang. Even though he was a masculine powerhouse, he couldn’t attract the women he wanted. When we dug deeper, we realized it was because he had a weak yin. His feminine side wasn’t even closely balancing out his masculine – and it turned off every woman he tried to attract.
So men, don’t try to get rid of your feminine side. 
And women, don’t shun your masculine qualities! Work on your weaknesses, whatever side of the equation they are on.
Polarity is an extremely complex topic, and this article is only a basic intro. For a more advanced understanding of what polarity is and how to use it to create attraction, I highly recommend checking out the Art of Flirting Weekend Workshop.
Until then, here are two of the most basic and powerful polarities that you can begin to work with – right now – to attract your ideal partner(s):
1. Leading (Yang) and Following (Yin)
Leading is making decisions. Good decisions. It is inspiring her to follow. You decide where you want to go, and then you say, “Let’s go here.” As Teddy Roosevelt said, “The boss drives, and the leader leads.” Inherent in leading is decision making.
To be blunt, don’t be a crappy leader. A crappy leader is someone who attempts to control another person. Leadership is not about being controlling. It is entirely her decision whether or not she chooses to follow your lead. If you’re leading her in the right direction, assuming that she is the right woman for you, she will continue to follow you because she wants to.
Following is about going there. Only if you want to. Following is the genuine “Yes” in response to “Let’s go here.” It’s like when you follow a waiter to the best table at a restaurant. You follow because that’s what you want!
Just as leading is not about controlling, following is not about being controlled. You don’t follow the waiter because he pulled a gun on you – you follow because you want to. I know that’s a simple example, but it’s true. Next time you decide to follow somebody’s lead, consider how much easier trusting that person’s guidance is making your life.
2. Giving (Yang) and Receiving (Yin)
Giving is not just about gifts. It’s about self expression and assertion. You can give a compliment, and you can give an insult, and then you can give an apology and a hug. Or not. It’s your choice what you want to give or not.
Receiving is about fully accepting what is. For example, imagine you’re hugging a person you love. What do you do? You put your entire self into it and wrap your body around that hug. You receive it so well that you add (give) your energy back into it – making that hug even more powerful. When you give into that hug, you and your partner receive it at an even greater level.
Conversely, receiving isn’t about demands or control (a more yang quality). Think of it as encouraging a man to be himself. It’s about accepting things to be what they are (even if it’s not the exact restaurant or ring or house you had in mind). That’s why women who are extremely demanding (think about self-absorbed drama queens) often feel like they’re not actually being given to – even if life seems to be giving to them all the time! They’re not receiving and wrapping around what is actually present.
My suggestion is that, if you at all identify with being said drama-queen, allow yourself to not only accept – but feel happy with more things that life throws your way!
This goes for everything. As you look at these 4 qualities, there are probably one or two that stood out as things that you are naturally good at, and others that you saw and thought, “Wait, I’m supposed to be doing THAT!? Oh.”
Whether you’re a man or a woman, strengthen your weak points. Your yang is only as strong as your yin. There are times when I need to develop yang qualities to become more attractive to my partner. The strength inside me turns him on. And, there are other times when becoming more yin is what brought out the sexy beasts inside us. It depends on where you and your partner(s) are at!
Where do you want to start?
Go through the 4 qualities again and consider which one is your weakest quality. That’s a place to start growing. As soon as you start working on your weakest muscle, your entire body that encompasses both masculine and feminine dynamics will grow because of it. Understanding what makes polarity is what will make it so you can know how to create attraction – while working both your yin and your yang!
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