This last Christmas was probably the most magical Christmas of my life so far. What happened was so special that I would have never dreamed it was possible. You might even call it an impossible dream come true.
See, when I was a little kid, Christmas was a magical time of presents and candy (Mm…so much chocolate…)
But as an adult, I used to dread going home for the holidays. My relationship with my stepmom has always been difficult, and most Christmases spent with her and my dad were an ordeal of dodging her criticisms and judgements on my life choices.
When I was in grad school for screenwriting, she thought I was wasting my time. When I quit grad school to pursue a career as a dating coach, she criticized me for being a quitter. When I wasn’t dating anyone, she said I should be because ‘the clock is ticking.’ When I was dating someone, she found some reason why I should break up with him. There was no way to win.
This finally culminated in Christmas of 2010, when my relationship with my husband was only a few months old. She had never met him, but when she heard that he had a son from a previous marriage, she vehemently told me that she thought I was making a mistake. “Never date a man with a kid, because that kid will ruin your life!”
It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the “kid” she was referring to was me.
In that moment, I realized I was tired of all this. Family or not, I decided I didn’t want to waste my time trying to have a relationship with someone who had such negative feelings towards me. That was the last time I spoke to her, and the last time I went home for Christmas.
Also In that moment, I made another decision: that I wouldn’t repeat the mistakes of my parents. That I would create a better life for myself and, if I did become a stepmom, I would be a loving and open-hearted one.
This was easier said than done. Being a stepmom is difficult. There were times when I deeply resented my husband’s ex for her presence in our lives. There was a time when I refused to let her inside MY house and when I made it really clear to my husband that she was NOT part of OUR family.
But I knew deep down that this was not who I wanted to be, and this was not the family I wanted to have. So, over time, I learned to open my heart again. I took this as an opportunity to heal my wounds from my own relationship with my stepmom. I took this as an opportunity to actually keep my promise to myself to create a better life for myself and my family.
This year for Christmas, my husband’s ex asked if we could all do Christmas together: me, my husband, Jen (my husband’s ex), and my stepson Pierce, who is now 7. At first, my husband and I were hesitant, but after talking it over, we agreed to give it a try.
Jen was very grateful. She also grew up in a difficult divorced-and-remarried household. She and I both commented that neither of our parents could pull this off. But we did!
It was a truly magical Christmas. Jen blindfolded Pierce before driving him over to our place to keep it a surprise (although he’s a smart kid so he figured it out anyway but he was still super thrilled about it!). We opened presents and ate a big breakfast all together. We all got along really well.
When I was a kid, the idea that ALL of my parents could have Christmas all together would have been impossible (even having Christmas with my my dad and stepmom is now pretty much impossible!). It seemed so impossible that I barely even dreamed about it, even though deep down I wanted it.
And only a few years ago, I would have assumed that all of us having Christmas together (me, my husband, and Jen) would have been impossible. So it was a big deal that I was able to make that dream come true for myself–and my stepson.
And yet, when I think about who I chose to marry, I’m not actually that surprised that I ended up here. Far from my stepmom’s angry warning, my husband, and “that kid” have made my life much, much better than I ever could have imagined when I was a kid. Every day, I am grateful to be part of such a loving family — Jen included!
My husband is not perfect. My marriage has had its ups and downs. But the life that I have today is the result of putting conscious thought into what kind of relationship I wanted to have, and then actually going out and finding someone that would help me co-create that!
What is your ‘impossible dream’? What is that thing that you think you could never have? It’s not as out of reach as you think!
But, it won’t just fall into your lap, either. You have to go out and create it for yourself. You have to know how to find what you are looking for. And you need to have a systematic approach to making that dream a reality.
It’s time to make 2017 the year that you realize your ‘impossible dream’ is actually very possible. That’s why I put together an all new FREE webinar with a 5 step system on how to get the relationship of your dreams…even if you think it’s impossible!
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