When I first started learning about dating advice, one of my favorite things to do was listen to interviews with different dating experts to get a “sampling” of what everyone had to say on the topic.
I did this because I wanted to see what topics everyone agreed on…and what people disagreed on.
For example, pretty much all the dating experts agreed that it’s important to maintain a positive attitude, exude confidence, and not take other people’s responses personally.
But, there were some things that the experts disagreed on. I found this especially fascinating, because, most of the time, experts with differing opinions both had wisdom in what they were saying.
One of the biggest things that seemed to be hotly debated from interview to interview was the question of whether or not to make a list of qualities that you wanted in your future romantic partner.
Some experts said that it was absolutely essential to make a list! After all, if you don’t know what you want, you won’t be able to get it.
This is true. Knowing what you want is the first step to getting it. This is why it’s so important to set goals and plan for the future. Otherwise, time will just pass you by and you won’t be any closer to getting the life –and love — that you want.
Making a list turns vague notions like “I just want to meet someone nice that I get along with” into something more specific and tangible. When it comes to meeting people in the real world, having a clear picture of what you want/need makes it so much easier to know who might be a good fit for you–and who is wasting your time.
So, of course, you should make a list…right?
Well, other experts caution against making a list, because if you list out all of the qualities of the person you wanted ahead of time, you are limiting your options. The list makes you closed off to the possibility of meeting someone who might turn out to be a great partner for you!
This is also true. If you get too attached to what’s on the list, you might miss out on an opportunity for a great relationship with someone who is almost-but-not-quite-perfect.
For example, if you say on your list that you want a redhead, and then you meet an amazing blonde…are you settling? That might seem ridiculous, but I have watched many list-makers agonize over those exact kinds of questions!
I actually heard a story once of guy who went on a great date with a woman. They had incredible chemistry and he ended up back at her place. But while using her bathroom, he saw her list taped to the bathroom mirror (what it was doing there, I have no idea…). He fit almost everything on that list, but there were a couple of items that did not describe him, like, he wasn’t a musician. He immediately started to worry that he was going to disappoint her.
This, like most things in dating, are a bit of a paradox. You need to be confident to get dates, and getting dates makes you more confident. You need to be yourself…and also improve your dating skills. You need to know what you want…and also, you can’t be too attached to what you want. The complexity of the situation means that you need to understand the wisdom on both sides of the fence.
You gotta get clear on what you want…and you also need to remain open to falling in love with someone who doesn’t fit that exact perfect description. So, the question is…how do you do that? How do you balance clarity and focus with openness to possibility and new experiences?
Well, you do need to make a list, but not the kind of list where you write down a bunch of stuff about hair color, hobbies, and food preferences. Instead, you need to list out what you want out of a relationship. But it goes so much deeper than that…
If you missed last Wednesday’s webinar, the Get a Girlfriend System, you’re in luck, because we are doing it again this Wednesday!
Come learn how to make the RIGHT kind of list…
FREE Webinar: The ‘Get a Girlfriend’ System
Get out of your head and into her
Date & Time: Wednesday, January 11, 2017, at 5:30PM PST
Register HERE to attend live and access the replay.
In this webinar, you’re Going To Learn…
- Why typical dating advice sucks and keeps you lonely and dissatisfied.
- A simple 5-step system to create the relationship you want in 2017.
- How “Disney fairy-tale programming” is killing your chance to find “THE ONE.”
- How to know the difference between what you think you SHOULD want and what you REALLY want in a relationship.
- How to become irresistible to the girlfriend of your dreams!
Make 2017 the year you finally get a girlfriend!
” Listen… I’ve studied a LOT (hours & hours of classes, webinars, literature) on creating attraction with women. I’ve certainly learned a lot, but Liz’s experience / webinar offers something I haven’t found before.” – Sean B.
Register for the webinar HERE and I’ll see you Wednesday night!