When I was younger, I was one of the world’s biggest skeptics. Any time I heard anyone spout some new agey concept, I would secretly roll my eyes and think, “Stupid hippy. How could anyone actually believe that stuff?” But after living in California for almost a decade, I’ve soaked up quite a lot of “woo-woo” along with the year-round sunshine. I meditate daily, buy only organic, and say things like, “The world really is a beautiful place; it’s just in a lot of pain, ya know?” I make visions boards, keep crystals on my dresser (and not just for decoration), and occasionally burn sage to clear any “negative entities” from my house.
I know, what the heck happened, right? Is living in California really that contagious?
Well, truth be told, I’m still a skeptic. I still do my best to avoid magical thinking, which is believing that certain things cause other things to happen, when it fact there is no proof that they there’s any effect at all. For example, if someone believes that their favorite team won’t win the superbowl unless they’re wearing a particular pair of socks, this is considered a type of magical thinking, since it’s highly unlikely, from a scientific perspective, that the socks on someone’s feet thousands of miles away from the stadium would have any actual effect on the players’ performance.
Most of what’s out there in the new age world is rooted in magical thinking (or worse–it’s rooted in someone turning a profit off of those who engage in magical thinking). However, I’ve learned that many woo-woo practices are not completely useless, and by analyzing them with a more rational approach, I’ve discovered many of them to be the best tools out there for real authentic happiness.
So, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. I know from personal experience how easy it is to dismiss ALL of something (be it “new age crap” or some other broad category), especially when it comes to the woo-woo, since so much of it is misunderstood and misrepresented. However, I can honestly say that I would not be in a fulfilling relationship right now if I did not do the woo-woo that I do.
Why? There are many reasons. For one, I’ve healed a lot of my own emotional baggage this way. Secondly, I believe that learning how to do some things in a less logical and more intuitive way develops your emotional intelligence, which dramatically increases your ability to relate to others. In many ways, working with woo-woo practices can bring out a more fun, playful side of you, which is incredibly helpful when it comes to flirting.
Emotions, like attraction, are inherently irrational, and live in the unconscious mind. Your unconscious mind is also where all true transformation takes place (you can think consciously that you should change something, but it’s your unconscious that actually changes your behavior, and makes that change permanent (or not)). So, in many ways, woo-woo that works works because it works directly with your unconscious.
With that in mind, let’s examine 5 woo-woo concepts that I’ve found to actually work:
Meditation is the practice of quieting your external world so that you can listen to your own thoughts and practice being relaxed. The medical benefits of meditation have been proven now several times over because of how much meditation does to reduce stress.
The Misconception: Sitting and doing nothing does just that: nothing. What’s the point?
How it Actually Works: Not only are you reducing stress by giving yourself a break from the everyday chaos (which, that alone is huge!), you’re also taking time to listen to your unconscious. Many people create a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety for themselves by not listening to themselves.
Imagine if you were under someone else’s care and they ignored you when you said you were thirsty, called you a fat piece of sh*t when you said you were craving pizza for lunch, and told you to shut up and stop being so needy when you expressed a desire for a romantic partner. This would be considered an abusive relationship! And yet, this is exactly the kind of relationship that most of us have with our own unconscious.
By slowing down and listening, you start developing a better relationship with yourself, which, in turn, inspires you to make naturally make healthier choices, because you don’t have to deal with the internal war anymore. It also allows you to form better relationships with others. One of the best ways you can attract others is to work on yourself.
Visualizing What You Want (The Law of Attraction)
The Law of Attraction, which was made popular by the movie The Secret, states that whatever you focus on in life is what you will get in life. As part of this concept, you can make a vision board, which is a collection of images that symbolize the goals you want to achieve.
The Misconception: The universe is like a great big vending machine; just think thoughts of mansions and private islands and voila! Objects and events will start to rearrange themselves to give you those things.
How it Actually Works: At the deepest levels of your unconscious mind, you are unable to do what’s called “processing a negative.” That means that your unconscious cannot understand what it means to NOT do something.
For example, if someone thinks about NOT eating candy, their unconscious is picturing them eating candy. The more they try to focus on NOT eating candy, the stronger, bigger, brighter, and more intense the image of themselves eating candy gets, until, eventually, they give in to temptation and eat the damn candy.
However, if that same person were to focus on eating healthy, then they might picture themselves eating a big green salad for lunch, and the more they think about eating that healthy salad, the more excited they might feel about their ability to eat right, so much so that by lunch time they don’t even need to look at a menu or make a decision. They already know, “I’ll have the salad.”
In order to do something in real life, you first need to be able to imagine yourself being able to do it. So, focusing on what you DO want (instead of what you don’t want) is a powerful way to set yourself up to actually get it.
The problem with how the Law of Attraction is usually taught is that many people bastardized it to cater to those with a sense of entitlement (just sit around and let it all come to you). For example, at one point in the movie, they offer the challenge to “manifest” a cup of coffee, meaning, visualize having a cup of coffee, and if you visualize hard enough, at some point, one will just show up.
This is a waste of time and does not work. In order to achieve results, you must take action. I live across the street from a Starbucks, and I can walk in there and “manifest” a cup of coffee anytime I want to simply by getting off my tush and actually doing something about it.
So, while the idea that the universe brings you whatever you want is the wishful thinking of the lazy man (or woman), focusing on what you want and then taking action towards it are the first steps to success.
Using Your Mind to Heal Your Physical Body
The basic concept here is that your mind and body are connected, therefore, by focusing your mind on healing your body, your body will actually start to heal.
The Misconception: It’s possible to think your way out of any illness or physical condition.
How it Actually Works: Your mind and your body are connected, and you can heal your physical body by believing that it’s possible to heal. We know this is possible because of the placebo effect: the body heals from disease with essentially the power of belief.
Many people believe that the placebo effect only works because you don’t know it’s not real medicine. However, turns out that even when you know the pill’s a fake, it works just as well (and in some cases, even better). There was a study done where patients for IBS were given sugar pills and explicitly told that there was no actual medicine in the pill, but that the pill would unlock the mind and body’s own self-healing mechanisms. They still got better results that patients who received no placebo.
In simple terms, learning to heal your body with your mind is learning to do the placebo effect on purpose whenever you want. However, similar to the 2nd on in the list, this only works if you are also taking action in the physical world (such as eating right and exercising). This is another way of focusing on your healing to get the most success.
Past Life Work
Some people believe that we have multiple lifetimes. Past life work entails doing any kind of forgiveness or emotional release work by imagining traveling back into one of your past lives.
The Misconception: This must not really work, since past lives aren’t real, or at least, there’s no proof that they’re real.
How it Actually Works: Past lives may or may not be real; there is no real way to know for sure. There’s no scientific proof that they do exist, though, so how can you base an entire therapeutic model on something if you don’t even know if it’s real?
It works because an experience doesn’t not need to be “real” in order for it to have a result of real healing; it just has to feel real. Have you ever had a movie or TV show influence you emotionally (make you cry, laugh, or feel terror or surprise)? Consciously, you know that the movie isn’t real; it’s a bunch of actors and special effects. However, you still have an emotional response as if it were real.
The same goes for past life work (and other similar types of visualizations): the stories of your past lives don’t need to be “real” in order for you to learn valuable lessons about your current lifetime from them. That’s because your unconscious mind processes things symbolically, not literally, so what the story means to you is what’s important, not how based on scientific fact it is.
I personally have visited past lives in ancient Egypt, France in the 1400’s, and the Revolutionary War (to name just a few). I don’t know if any of that really happened, and I don’t really care. What I do know is that I have permanently healed emotional pain in this lifetime by imagining myself as another person in another time and place struggling with a similar issue. What I learned from these stories is what matters; not if they are real.
Using “Magic” Objects Like Stones, Crystals, and Symbols
This could be anything from having certain crystals, seashells, pendants, or even drawing symbols in the air (like a pentagram). This is definitely one of the most woo-woo things that I do. I keep crystals in various places in the house, and I often rearrange them in little “altars” to mean different things. For example, I keep two rose quartz hearts near each other to help foster more love and romance in my house and in my relationship.
The Misconception: The object itself is imbued with magical powers, and possessing it gives you control over that magical power.
How it Actually Works: Earlier, I talked about the importance of focusing on what you want in order to move towards it. One thing that can really help keep your focus in the right direction is have an object to focus on that symbolizes the thing that you want.
For example, those rose quartz hearts actually do bring more love into the house, because whenever I see them, I think of how I want to bring more love into the house, which inspires me to go do something that would do that (like go over to my man and give him a hug and kiss, or tell him something that I appreciate about him).
In many ways, significant objects work because they create what’s called an anchor. An anchor is when your brain automatically connects some kind of outside stimulus to an idea. For example, is there a certain song that, whenever you hear it, it reminds you of someone, or a certain time in your life? What about a certain smell? Those memories are anchored to those sensations.
You can also create an anchor by looking at or touching a physical object, like a crystal or a piece of jewelry. The more you focus on a certain result (like finding the love of your life), and hold a piece of crystal at the same time, the more you anchor those emotions to holding that piece of crystal. It doesn’t come infused with magic from the factory; you infuse it with “magic” by making it a point of focus for your desires and intentions.
Behind every seemingly “out there” practice is a positive intention that gets some kind of real result. If the new age stuff didn’t work at all for anybody, it would have died out long ago. Hopefully, this will help explain not only why people “fall for this stuff,” but how it actually is helpful.
Here’s something fun to try: pick one of these five woo-woo practices and try it out for a week and see if it makes a difference for you. Even if it doesn’t, and you decide not to keep it, just the act of trying a new thing will help get you into a more resourceful mindset (which is what you need in order to be a good flirt–among other things).